a golden firework exploding as a cork pops off a bottle of champagne

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Twenty Twenty Too

It’s Christmas Day night, and I’m lying on the couch at my parents’ house cradling a bottle of water I need to drink because I’ve had a whole bottle of chardonnay to myself; in the desert, especially, there are consequences for that kind of indulgence. I’m deeply, psychically tired. That’s how it goes, isn’t it,  negotiating the choppy waters of family and holidays and self-preservation and tenuous sanity. My phone is… somewhere. I’m usually not too far from it, even when I want to be, and yet at this moment in time I have no idea where it is. A pocket, somewhere, maybe? Eventually I’ll need it, but for now, I’m happy to have that little rectangle of obligations far away from me.

The other day my friend sent me this meme:
meme captioned When you realize 2022 is pronounced 2020 too with an image of a very tired looking man

I think we can all agree that 2020 was Bad. I really hoped that after the hell that was 2016, I’d get a break from bad years for a long long time. Alas, it was not to be, and 2020 was an epic dumpster fire that drove so many people’s goals and plans and hopes right out the window.

And then there was 2021. You know what’s weird? This year absolutely flew by in the blink of an eye, and yet at the same time, as I struggle to remember what-all happened, it feels like certain events took place a full decade ago – even things that happened in October. This was a crazy year packed with events and milestones, such as:

So much was done and earned and learned accomplished this year, and mostly I just feel exhausted. Like my brain is running through waist-high water, all the time. I’m bent over, hands on my knees, sucking in air as fast as I can just trying to collect myself after the marathon that 2021 has been. I went into 2020 with the understanding that it was going to be My Year, channeling Big Linetti Energy (Brooklyn 99 fans will know Gina Linetti as confident, competent, self-possessed, and unapologetically in love with herself: aka the human form of the 100 emoji). Obviously that went south. I was determined to try again in 2021, and honestly when I sat down to write this, I was prepared to say I came up short.

Now here I am on New Year’s Eve and I’m not so sure. Maybe 2021 really was My Year, but it was moving too fast and I was doing too much to notice until now. Maybe my naturally pessimistic impulse to focus more on worrying about the future and agonizing over the unknown caused me to overlook, in the moment, just how amazing this year has been.

For the past couple years, I have done away with New Year’s Resolutions and instead set New Year’s Intentions. I also recently watched a YouTube video in which Maddie Dragsbaek talked about choosing words for her year. So that is what I’m going to do now: set four intentions and choose two words for 2022.

1. Be honest about what serves me and what doesn’t, and then expend my energy accordingly.
2. Be more positive in how I think about, speak of, and treat my body.
3. Create more – writing, code projects, photographs, meals, all of it and more.
4. Recognize rest and pleasure as forms of productivity that provide much-needed fuel for other activities and accomplishments.


Happy New Year, gentlefriends!

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[Photo credit: Myriam Zilles via Unsplash]

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